Angel Haze

Wow...this young singer tells it just like it is in her song "Cleanin' Out My Closet," which can be found on YouTube. It is raw, raw, raw and as real as it gets from a survivor; the title alone is  amazing. 
WARNING: if you believe that a brutally honest, blunt language recounting of someone's child sexual abuse experience will trigger you, do not watch the video.  If you do choose to watch, listen carefully to her words, her feelings, her vehement assertions.
Below is the link to the NYT article about her...have a look:

http://artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/10/24/talking-to-angel-haze/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7bZ08RNUyM 

Sentencing Day

"The crime is not only what you did to their bodies but to their psyches and their souls and the assault to the well-being of the larger community in which we all live." - Judge John Cleland.
 

And so many who knew did nothing...

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/10/09/14315772-jerry-sandusky-gets-30-to-60-years-for-child-sex-abuse 

A Letter to E.L. James From Darkness To Light Founder Anne Lee

As I've traveled this road combating child sexual abuse, few people have impacted the journey more than Anne Lee. A true inspiration, Anne was the visionary who, in 2001, founded Darkness To Light, the non-profit based in Charleston, SC, whose mission is to educate adults to "prevent, recognize and react responsibly" to child sexual abuse. 11 years after its creation, Darkness To Light continues to educate thousands of adults each year. Authorized facilitators around the globe lead the acclaimed 2.5 hour Stewards of Children, the abuse prevention training named the Crime Prevention Program of the Year in 2007 by the National Crime Prevention Council.
Though Anne is no longer at the helm of Darkness To Light, her impassioned work to end child sexual abuse continues. Her new consulting group, Greater Good Advisors, is about to launch. In April 0f 2011, she was named a "Hero Among Us" by People Magazine.
I am thrilled to host Anne here for a guest post, a letter to "Fifty Shades of Grey" author E. L. James. I warn you now - if you do not want the hows and whys of Christian Grey revealed to you, don't read this post. For all others, Anne's words speak for themselves. As someone with an abuse background, I wasn't sure when I went to read James' first book in the trilogy if it might be triggering. But I, like so many, enjoyed the story and the relationship portrayed and, particularly, the humanity of the characters, especially Christian. He is a complex man. Anne understands that, too, and as she has many times before, she sees a teaching opportunity. Have a look. 
Thanks, and kudos, Anne Lee, for all you've done to make this world a better place for children.

Dear Ms. James,

As the founder of Darkness to Light, www.D2L.org - the nation's only evidence-based primary prevention program educating adults about child sexual abuse, with over 5000 facilitators in 49 states and 15 countries - I want to applaud your huge success and telling the story of the "50 Shades" from the majorly important and seldom told point of view of Christian's pain and childhood trauma. Maybe one of the reasons so many resonate with "50" is that approximately 20% of all adults have sexual abuse in their history. Horrifically amazing, but true. 

My fervent hope is that as the movie is created and developed, the core issue of his abuse is not glossed over. As a consultant, I would be delighted  to work with your team.  We have an opportunity through this movie to bring the conversation of  physical abuse, sexual abuse and neglect to the forefront of societal consciences. The demand for prevention and the creation of a national standard of care for our children might be made reality through efforts like yours. I know you get it. I can tell from your writing. In many ways you wrote my story - like so many others.  

May the light go before you and all that is good find its way to you.  For this huge work, I thank you. 

Anne

                                                               Anne Lee  

                                                                Principal

                                                Greater Good Advisors, LLC
                                                      672 Ellis Oaks Avenue

                                                       Charleston, SC 29412

                                                            843.437.8416                                        

                                                    alee@ggoodadvisors.com

Beautiful Gabby Douglas

My blood has been boiling lately regarding the disgraceful public words directed at Olympic champion Gabby Douglas' appearance. Floored by what we were hearing about her hair and her teeth, my family and I were perplexed. Huh??? What we saw each and every time we watched her compete and interview was an adorable, talented, hard-working, talented, bright, talented teenager. An incredible inspiration to every other child. Who were these people seeing something else? What was happening in their heads that even allowed space for such garbage? And garbage it was/is, garbage that also goes by another name: bullying.
Whenever I land on an internet page that invites public comments, I recoil at the trash (usually anonymous or via pseudonym) directed at others. Nasty words about being ugly or "too" fat or "too" thin, to name a few, safely hurled from behind the coward's anonymous facade. I've said for years that those remarks are bullying, plain and simple, a stark reminder of just what kind of example we as a society set for our children when, ironically, simultaneously, we are rallying against child-to-child bullying, ramping up workshops and trainings to fight it. Are these people jealous? Do they hate their own lives, their own hair and teeth? Their own inability to shine in some aspect of their lives?
How on earth can we say to our children, "You must not bully" when we adults do the very same thing? How can we effectively crack through the psyches of bullying adults so they look in the proverbial mirror and truly see themselves? How do we inspire kindness and character in human beings who've already, theoretically, grown up? I can tell you this: until we do and our children see adults behaving well toward one another, bullying between children will continue. No amount of words will make the difference - only behavior. The number one rule of teaching children is to lead by example - they watch us closely, taking it all in and then they follow the leader.
Time for us to lead better.
Until then, I say to Gabby Douglas, "You ROCK! Go out there with that beautiful head held high and grab your future the way you grabbed that All-Around medal. I know my family and I will be cheering your every step! Go, Gabby!"

Syracuse Y Leads The Way In Prevention

Just a few weeks ago I had the great pleasure of traveling to Syracuse, NY to lead a Darkness To Light Facilitator Workshop. Thanks to the determined efforts of the Syracuse Y's team leaders and workshop organizers, Kelly Miner and Cheryl Walker, folks attended from near and far, representing, among others, YMCAs, social service groups and child protective services. We learned together, shared with each other and by day's end I knew that 16 more empassioned, empowered leaders were heading back to their communities well prepared to educate adults to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse via Stewards of Children.
Despite the long day that goes with a facilitator workshop, there is never a time when I don't leave feeling rewarded and enriched, both from having engaged with a new set of attendees and the knowledge that children in their spheres will be better served. I always hope that the workshop experience will stay with them as they pursue their prevention endeavors, knowing that, at least for 8 intense hours, they were surrounded by like-thinking people devoted to protecting kids.
Thank you, Cheryl and Kelly for a meaningful day and wonderful opportunity.

Photo: Cheryl Walker, me, Kelly Miner

What's Your Policy?

Whether you are a youth-serving organization or just a plain old adult making decisions on behalf of the children in your life, you need policy. Child safety policy. I encourage you to visit Darkness To Light and Stop It Now for more information on how to create the best possible policies in your orgs and in your lives. You are also welcome to contact me for any information regarding policy and prevention. It's time to change our culture to one that does not tolerate child sexual abuse.

"Saddening and Sobering"

From NYT:
“Our most saddening and sobering finding is the total disregard for the safety and welfare of Sandusky’s child victims,” said Louis J. Freeh, the former federal judge and director of the F.B.I. who oversaw the investigation.
“The most powerful men at Penn State failed to take any steps for 14 years to protect the children who Sandusky victimized.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/13/sports/ncaafootball/13pennstate.html?_r=1&hp

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2012/images/07/12/freeh.report.pdf?hpt=hp_t1