My Moment With Charles Grodin

Reflecting during this Child Abuse Prevention Month, several themes from my own life have come to mind. Today I share with you a "light" memory - "light" in the sense that while an otherwise "heavy" lifelong theme, intimidation, is the basis for the event I write about, the concomitant behavior, and the response to it, have a humorous edge, one that makes me smile even today. And a very familiar talent graces the anecdote :)
I hope you enjoy...
 

Driving recently, listening to WCBS talk radio out of New York, I heard the spot of regular contributor, actor/author Charles Grodin. Typically less than a minute long, Grodin’s comments cover a wide range of topics, all thoughtful musings delivered in his unique way. I can’t say I’ve always agreed with the positions he’s proffered, but I’ve always taken the time to turn up the volume and listen. Just hearing his voice evokes a smile – no matter the topic – and calls up a moment in my memory, from almost 20 years ago, a moment a dear friend of mine once proclaimed was "your moment with Charles Grodin!"

Back then I was working at Klein's of Westport, a now-defunct store that, for years, had been a fixture on Main Street in the upscale Connecticut town. Klein's sold many things - office supplies, and stationery among them. It was also home to (prior to the burgeoning of Barnes and Noble and Amazon) a vital, well-respected book department. I’d had enough of my accounting career and so pursued, then accepted, an offer from the store’s book department manager for a job.

I loved it at Klein’s. Smack dab in the middle of Westport, with a grand window view of the bustling street, the environment was just the change I'd needed from my accounting life. There was the occasional off day, but overall working at the store was a welcome experience - a relief. I felt my emotional load lighten dramatically.

Part of the fun of working at the store was the parade of celebrity clientele. Donna Summer, Whoopi Goldberg, Harry Connick, Jr., Linda Blair, Patty Hearst, Jose Feliciano (he'd jokingly asked for a copy of Playboy - in Braille) among them. Early one evening, Keith Richards came strolling in. Apparently, he'd parked behind the store and was cutting through, making his way to Main Street. Everything came to a standstill when we realized the rock icon was in our midst. He looked exactly like photos I'd seen over the years, every hard-living line etched on his evocative face. That was a cool moment.

Then there was Mr. Grodin. I’d seen him in the store once or twice and I’d taken note. He was much taller than I ever would have guessed (Wikipedia says he’s 6 feet tall). He’d thoughtfully meander through the books, often intensely examining an item or two. Once, he’d inquired of a co-worker about a particular title; when he left, she’d asked me to check its availability as she was leaving for the day. I did. When I discovered the book was no longer in print, I called the number she’d given me to let him know.

“Hello?”
“Mr. Grodin?”
“Who’s this?”
“Hi, Mr. Grodin. This is Susan at Klein’s book department. I’m getting back to you about [can’t remember the title of the book]. I wanted to let you know it’s out of print. I'm sorry, but we cannot get it.”
“Okay. Well, thanks.”
“We just wanted to get back to you as soon as we could.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
“Thank you. Bye.”

So, even before "my moment" happened, Mr. G. and I had conversed. I'd managed my nerves. I'd handled it well: business-like, respectful. At times in my life, intimidation had gotten the better of me. Not this time. I’d gotten the job done.

So when he sauntered in one day and brought several books to the register for purchase, I should have been ready for him. Really. And I wasn't even the one doing the ringing, which would have required conversation - my co-worker was. My job was solely to gift wrap the books. No conversation necessary, just wrap.

There were a lot of books. When my co-worker was done ringing, I was still wrapping. Co-worker moved on to next customer. I kept wrapping. And the entire time I was wrapping, I wouldn't look up at him. I was shy. So self-conscious. Intimidation had smacked me over the head! I knew he was still standing right there in front of me, but I just could not bring myself to look up. At all. Even between books. Mr. G. said nary a word. I kept wrapping. Looking down and wrapping.

When I finally finished and I knew I had no choice but to look up at him, I did. And there he was, Charles Grodin, looking me straight in the eyes, with a Cheshire cat grin spread wide across his face. He knew I had to look eventually...and this was that moment! Seeing his grin and the glint in his eye, I just could not keep from letting out a laugh. And a “thank you.”

Teaming Up For Prevention

YMCAs all over the country are getting on board to bring child sexual abuse prevention education to their communities. Ys have a wide reach and a unique ability to engage local populations, enabling them to raise awareness of this insidious issue and the urgent need for adults in the community to know how to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to it. ALL adults - not just those of child bearing age or those affiliated with youth-serving organizations.
Has the Y in your community taken on Darkness To Light's prevention program? I encourage you to inquire; if they have, get on board yourself -get trained and get the word out. If they haven't, urge them to do so. There is seed money out there for them to use in growing the program. Remember, this program was the Crime Prevention Program of the Year in 2007. It is 3rd party evaluated and evidence-based. It changes behaviors. We know it works.
Take your community on the road to cultural change and the end of child sexual abuse. Get educated and TAKE ACTION!
Learn more:  http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.7839123/k.C5BC/YMCAs.htm

Child Abuse Prevention Month

Welcome to April - home of April Fools' Day, April showers (they bring May flowers). Easter, Passover and, since 1983, the congressionally-designated Child Abuse Prevention Month. You can read about the history of CAPM here. Anyone who knows me knows that, to me, EVERY month is Child Abuse Prevention Month - every day, every hour, every minute. The fabric of Child Abuse Prevention Month - getting educated on the facts, understanding the risks, learning how each and every one of us adults can prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child abuse - needs to be woven into our thinking, throughout our culture, so that the choices we make on behalf of children best protect them. This is not a 30 day endeavor - it's 24/7, a life-long commitment. Darkness To Light uses a seat-belt analogy to explain this best: when cars were first invented, there was no such thing as a seat belt. But after seeing accidents happen, injuries and death occurring, the seat belt idea was born. At first, seat belts in cars were an option - people had to pay extra and request to have them and only those who wanted them (or could afford them) had them installed. When it was understood just how many lives could be saved with their use, seat belts became more and more popular until one day, they were mandated. Then, not only were they mandated to be in each and every auto, but it was also required in many places that people buckle up ("click it or ticket"). Wearing seat belts, proven to save lives and reduce injuries, had gone from nonexistence to a piece of our social and cultural fabric. As more and more people got on board, social and cultural change occurred. Now, very few people venture into their cars without buckling up, as one would hope it would be.

It's no different for preventing child sexual abuse. Child protection policies regarding CSA haven't always existed in schools and other youth-serving organizations, but slowly, as it becomes clear that there are tools for prevention, recognition and response, and that those are effective tools, our culture is changing. S-L-O-W-L-Y. There is still plenty of denial, plenty of choices that don't put the children first, plenty of folks who want to look the other way or point fingers after the fact, but there are also, now, adults, and many of them, who are "getting it." Each and every adult trained in abuse prevention brings to his or her community the benefits of that education, be it in working to put in place effective policies for their faith organizations, their schools, scouts, sports or arts orgs., or effective policies for themselves and how they manage their home lives and interactions with their neighbors and friends. In fact, neighbors who sit and talk about abuse and how they can work together to prevent it are the rungs in the ladder toward reaching the cultural change we need to optimally keep kids safe.
So, to all of you I say, please, this April, take the time to learn how to prevent abuse. Share what you learn with your adult friends. Talk to your neighbors, talk to your local youth-serving organization leaders, talk to your community leaders. Talk, too, with your children, at an age-appropriate level, about abuse, boundaries, bodies. Let them know that no one has the right to do certain things to them, to ask them to keep secrets from you and that if anything happens to them, they need to tell you, you will believe them and you will make it stop. I encourage you to check out www.DarknessToLight.org and www.StopItNow.org - they are information-rich sites that can help you towards this end. Take an abuse prevention training, online or in-person. Both sites have resources to enable you to take trainings with ease. If you will be in the Boston area on April 10, please contact me at KissesFromDolce@gmail.com and register to take, for free, the 2.5 hour, award-winning Stewards of Children training. It is the only 3rd party evaluated, evidence-based child sexual abuse prevention training for adults in the U.S. and it was the 2007 Crime Prevention Program of the Year for the National Crime Prevention Council. 2.5 hours, for free - aren't your children worth that?

(seat belt sign courtesy of PhotoBucket HEYxCOURTNEY)